show me what i'm looking for...

"The strength of the heart comes from the soundness of the faith" Saudi Arabian Proverb

“Save me, I’m lost”. Lately I feel like I jostle a lot between being lost and oblivious or well-planned and deliberate. I feel like I am heading in the right direction with this trip, with my life… but there is always doubt of whether or not I am making the best decisions for myself. “Show me what I’m looking for”. I thought of the perfect analogy for this as I navigated myself out of Edmonton today without getting lost for the first time: You are on an unfamiliar road and beginning to feel lost… you have gone too far to turn around now and the fear is beginning to rise, panic threatening your every sense. You look around helplessly for any indication of where you might have gone wrong… did you miss your turn? Offering up a prayer and searching the roadside for any indication that you are, in fact, heading in the right direction, your eyes finally fall upon a sign and relief sweeps through you as you realize that you haven’t missed your turn – you are exactly where you are supposed to be. “Oh Lord, I’ve been waiting for you” You smile, despite yourself, that you have found your way… I think we all end up at this place at one point or another. Where we constantly seek affirmations that we are on the right path, or even heading in the right direction… I have been battling that so much with this trip. I was so confident and when the panic began to rise a large part of me refused to turn back because I had already gone too far; a U-turn was out of the question at that point. “Don’t let go, I’ve wanted this far too long” so I kept on down this road… and I believe I have received many affirmations that I am heading in the right direction, yet I still seek with panic stricken eyes. “Mistakes become regrets”… this may explain why I seek, every part of me wants to believe that this trip will not be a mistake that I come to regret, that it will be a truly worthwhile experience. And I think that a large part of me does believe this but there is still the doubt. If I were to guess I would say the doubt is a result of my lack of faith. “I’ll pay any cost, just save me from being confused”. I just need to be willing to pay the “cost” of strengthening my faith so as to lessen the doubt and confusion. Sounds easy right?

-"Show me what i'm looking for" by Carolina Liar