My Reply

"This is my reply, my pleading cry, a tattered page in the waves of eternity......... so take my words for what you will and try to understand..." - My Reply - Brightwood


For every unsaid word I want to say
There are a thousand voices forbidding
Every time the thoughts come in
A light inside is restricted
There are hundreds of scenarios in my head
I play over and over and over
I thought it would end but it never ends
Didn’t I just start over?
You’re not alone on the ride
These waves make me sea sick as well
I too question why
At this point I’m not one to tell
But I ride them along
Thinking this storm will blow over
Sometimes they're calm;
But then they get stronger and stronger
Hidden and locked up; jumbled inside
Are the feelings you’ve labeled as “hard”
They try to find their way out
And I do well to shut them back in
The day will come I’ll own up to all this
But, the lies will suffice until then...

Truth in the Heart

Why do we constantly lie to our hearts? We spend so much time convincing, persuading and forcing our hearts to believe things that aren’t true that we miss the truth entirely. Then, it is all the more earth-shattering to know that our hearts knew the truth all along, but kept quiet because we told it to. I can lie to my heart hundreds of times a day, “You don’t need that, you don’t believe that.” Do I need it? Do I believe it? Perhaps my rationalization is that I am protecting my heart by lying to it. If I tell it not to feel, it won’t feel and I won’t get hurt right? Wrong. The heart feels what it wants regardless of what you tell it to, it’s just a matter of how well you hide it, of how “proud” you can be, of how successful you are at silencing that of which lies inside you. Then all the lies pile up covering the heart like paper-mache, and it hardens, concealing it so that not only does the truth not come out but neither does our true self. We are so buried beneath it all that we fade away, until something happens that begins to pick away at the shell and cause it to crumble. It is only then you truly realize what has been there all along. You feel alive again, yet you are scared and you are vulnerable, and where there is vulnerability there is a need for protection and our default setting as humans is to protect by lying. So we begin to lie to our hearts once again, telling it the same things, telling it what not to feel. It is a vicious circle of deception, and while we aimlessly search for “truth”, we are bemused to find out it has been there all along; deep down inside the heart.