resolution

Life does not capture things as vividly as I see them. The color, sharpness and luster of situations are lost in the calamity of life’s harsh reality. Instead, it comes across as looking bleak, dark and grey. Perhaps my acuity for detail is too fine in such a world where mundane details are overlooked. People skim over the understated details of life everyday, whereas I seem to dwell, constantly re-evaluating…Too much time is spent dwelling on those details that I have no control over, which inevitably causes me more pain than necessary. Control the things you can, forget the rest…“There’s a lot that I don’t know, there’s a lot that I’m still learning.” What I need to learn at this place and time is that all this anger and resentment is simply not useful. But how does one rid of something so consuming? With a simple turn of the cheek? A wave of the hand? “When I think I’m letting go, I find my body, it’s still burning” People say just ‘let it go, forget about it’ but, how do we just ‘let go’? Is there some internal ‘release’ button that I am unaware of? “And you hold me down, and you got me living in the past” I feel like I am being pinned down in this place where I’ve made this mess until I have learned my lesson. Perhaps because half of the anger I hold within me is with myself, myself and I need to battle it out before this process of ‘letting go’ can begin. However, this battle has already been going on for a while… I need to be forgiven and forgive myself and then progress can be made. “I’m alive, but I don’t need a witness to know that I survived.” All things considered, it’s not the end of the world. Life goes on. Right now I am half-bathed in light but the cold is creeping in. I need the light, I am lost without. “I just need light, a light in the dark as I search for a resolution”…

-"Resolution" by Jack's Mannequin