I have decided to give up my subconscious search for a prospective husband and agree to an arranged marriage. Well... perhaps I won’t go that far, but after thoughtful contemplation of theories and information learned in my relationships class concerning arranged marriages lately, I am beginning to think that the negative stigma such marriages have received in our society is falsely attributed. These cultures that have arranged marriages view our pathway to marriage as an impractical game or an unnecessary burden. We live in a society that has just recently begun viewing romance and passion as a condition to marriage, and it has only been a developing theme over the past 30-40 years. In history, people married for various other reasons such as economic, political, practical and family reasons, not because they were in love with each other. So what is it about these past 40 years that such a common view has been weaved throughout our society when it comes to choosing a life partner? Why do we base this decision on a fleeting passionate love? It has been proven through countless research that these “strong” passionate feelings do not last and decrease over time. Perhaps we should take another look at the value we place in this Hollywood view we seem to have of love and marriage, I mean, is it really practical to place our future happiness in the hands of a feeling that has no hold?
So perhaps I have been looking at this all wrong… I have been wandering around (indirectly) looking for my “soulmate”, the one that makes my heart skip a beat and all that cliché garbage. Sure, it feels nice at the time but perhaps I should be approaching this “search” that I am on in a more practical manner. Are my only options to start my marriage off with an empty love, short of intimacy and passion, and simply wait for the passion to build over time or to start with an intensely passionate and intimate relationship and wait for it to hollow out and become empty? If so, that’s an unfortunate decision placed in front of me.
I think that growing up in this love-crazed society has caused us all to go into relationships and even get married purely based on this romantic passionate love that we all long for so much. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing I just think that a lot of people don’t expect these feelings to diminish and when they do they feel there is nothing they can do to get the “magic” back and decide to get divorced and thus go find someone who can ignite these intense feelings of passion once again. It isn’t enough to say that people don’t work hard enough on their marriages before permitting them to fail, but perhaps everyone should receive some kind of warning prior to marriage: Your passionate I-can’t-live-without-you love will not last, but if you work hard enough at your marriage from the beginning in full preparation for the day that you aren’t as passionately aroused by your partner as you once were… then maybe marriage isn’t as hopeless as we all think… Hmm, no, let’s be serious, people are stubborn and ridiculous and will probably forever hold on to the idea that love conquers all. I, however, have taken on a new view of relationships from this class slash thought process, and put thought into how much value I place in finding that all- consuming love once again. I had never considered myself much of a practical person before but perhaps its time for some change…
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